In normal cases you feel guilty about your healthy children, when they are sick or have a cronichly sick sibling there are no words to explain it. Our children takes it really well. My four boys lives with us full time. So if they ever get a break from the new life we all live, it is every other weekend when they go to their father and sometimes Timothy visits our friend Disa in Höganäs (bless her heart). M, S and E are with their Mum every other week. So they have a break from surprise hospital visits, the mental stress we try to hide as much as possible for the children and the circulation around James over all. There is a lot we are used to with James and others dont realises what a difference their is to him when he is feeling well to other children and how much more time it takes. It takes time and has too. M, S and E also have every other week where they thankfully have a Mum who can give them all her attention and it circles around them three her week. Then they come to us and there are five other children, one is seriously ill and naturally they dont have all the attention just them three. There is always a positive side to things and a bad, we all deside which one we want to focus on in life. My boys have already gone through things they NEVER should have. They have been seriously let down by an adult and I am their stabillity (and now Nigel as well of course). I am so surprised they (and S,E and M) adapt so well and takes things naturally. Last time I was in the hospital for fourteen days!!! Nigel was home with them and Mum and Dad when they were here. But still, I am their Mum. I always seem to worry alot more than I need to. They take it naturally, they are used to me rushing off to the hospital. Sad but true. Many times I have said I´ll soon be back, and I lied I was home a week later. I have learned my lesson. I am not saying having a sick sibling is POSITIVE but it can be positive in learning about life like it is for all of us.; Never take life for granted, there are times when we have to stand back because someone needs it more than us, empathy, sympathy, compassion, we can feel jealousy for a good reason; if we have not opened up and said how we felt in surtain situation, we are taught to converse more about feelings, we are taught how to listen to others and be grateful for life. In that light it is "positve",even if we all wished James were healthy. But in the same time, if James did not have his special heart and scar, he would not be our James! Of course we would not want anyone else than him. I have expected T,Et ,C and N to feel worse. First of all the have gone through hell before moving, then it was the big moving part, changing school and daycare, a new sibling, a sibling close to death, traumatised and depressed Mummy, a Mummy living on and off in the hospital etc etc. I am gobsmacked!! I alerted the therapist at the hospital for the boys and the three support if needed, no need so far :o). Maybe all the explaining is paying off? Maybe them having it very tough before knowing I stood rock solid supporting them and took action together with their school makes them feel safe? Even if I am not here they know they can trust me and I love them madly. I wish sometimes life looked different for all of us and mainly for the children and James. But I am grateful to life. I am grateful we still have our James and so is his siblings. I am sure they know deep down they are the lucky ones. So am Nigel and I. We are lucky to have eight beautiful uniqe children in our family!!!!!!!!!!! I am very proud of Nigel and all our children. I Love You ALL very dearly!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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