September 26th – First day after operation

I woke up with a high fever. There was no way for me to be able to see James this day. My milk had started to express rapidly and I was sure that´s why I had a fever. It had happened before with my other children during the first days after birth. I stayed in bed and Nigel went over to see our James. James was doing well – staff had given him diuretic drugs to make him pee more. This is a common problem after being put on a heart lung machine. So they were only slightly concerned about him not peeing more. I stayed in bed all day watching TV and all the pictures we had of James. The computer was on day and night so I could see him whenever I wanted even if it not physically. I felt like a terrible mum lying in bed with a fever especially after my baby´s heart surgery. Nigel went home over night to keep Mum and Dad company and to see the kids. My fever was making me hit the roof but I still had problems sleeping. All I could think of was James and the other kids at home. I felt totally worthless. The fever annoyed my pelvis and back so I could barely walk.