I was nervous. Not because of the operation, I was nervous the operation would be canceled yet again! I have accepted everything with James condition. I have had very brief thoughts like a child “I don’t want to”!! Thinking of stomping my foot. I have all my faith to Chief Surgeon Sune Johansson and Surgeon Torsten Malm whom were James surgeons, Anesthetic Doctor Ann-Christin Olsson, Anesthetic Nurse Chatarina (Kattis) and with the rest of the brilliant staffs of operation nurses etc, which I unfortunately don’t know the name of at this moment in time.
James would not survive without another operation more than a couple of months starting with too low oxygen which would give him brain damage at first and slowly die. Harsh but facts, this is why I could not feel sad about the operation more sad if it would be off again. Of course there is always a but, what if? Etc. It is an open sternum heart operation, which there always a risk behind it.
I have my sick jokes and I am happy the staff can be relaxed around me and joke as well. They should know by now I appreciate it. I met a bunch of staff in the corridor including sweet cool Elisabeth. She had joked earlier if James had start to have a high temperature put him on ice. Hahahaha!!!! Of course I put it further, ice, cold packs and when he is cold and blue when Sune will operate him I just tell him it is because he is so badly saturated he has turned cold and blue so he better operate him fastly! Hahahhaha!! We had a good laugh about it. When I mentioned it to the doctors later they looked like they did not dare to laugh. I bet they are not used to Mums being able to distance themselves and them and to joke about their worries. My way to handle things, to joke, have fun and not dig myself down which is to no advantage for anyone. Of course, if we had had sad new about James negative news I would be in a total state of mind!!!! I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine who has had a total different, very sad and worrying news about her son. If I had been in her shoes I would not be able to joke and have a smile on my face !! We are extremely lucky and there is a plan for James heart condition and everything except for infection has been planned and no heartbreaking news our way. We are very grateful! Don´t take me wrong, I have a bright side, a humor side and of course a very serious side. When I write maybe in sounds like I am only goofing around, of course not :O)!! I adapt to situations. I am pretty outgoing and loud sometimes, so to work in a funeral home as I have thought of before would not work at all, they don’t need someone happy and cherry with a smile from each ear in the reception greeting with HELLO!! No not suitable at all and I would be bored stiff as their clients ;O). Sorry could not help myself :O)!!
James is always very close to a smile and a giggle. We/I have done everything in my power to make James experiences as positive as possible. When I have put down a feeding tube we have had our mad moments and giggles together, I have tried to make it a bit fun not been looking sad on him and made his worries worse to begin with. If I look sad and saying poor you all the time he will be scared to death when he goes in for operation the third time or even mentioning all the checkups and blood tests!! The only way for it to work is that I am not anxious during all of this myself, if I was I think it would be better if someone else took over if it was so bad that James would notice my insecurity. Mummy is worried blimey this must be very dangerous!! Well simple psychology of course :O).
It was very reassuring when Sune came in to inform us about the operation. I call him King Sune!! He and Torsten who operated on James are the BEST of the BEST!! I have heard LUND cardiology unit is classed as number 4-5 in the world!! That is BIG! No wonder we feel as safe as we possibly can.
Sune is a short man with dark hair and is of course very passionate about his work and has both feet on the ground. I admire him very much, we do actually ;O). It was nice to be informed and blimey he makes it sound simple hahahahha! We just rip that off, cut this in half and attach it to this. OK hahaha. Sounded like an kinderegg instruction but is a high class surgery performance. We are lucky there is men/women as professional, skilled and intelligent as Sune. This was the lightest operation for James. Not even close to the danger with the first one. Less than 1% risk for him to die. As little as it can be, a surgeon never says 0%. Sune showed he has two feet on the ground and made us giggle. He had the plastic model heart in his lap and showed us what he would do. He was about to put back the Pulmonary artery back and he could not manage, he said “blimey I don’t know how it is so supposed to be fitted” HAHAAHAHAHHA! We talked a bit more we thanked for the information and we said our goodbyes and he went out the door. A few seconds later we heard a knock on the door and Sune was quickly back in with a smile and he said “ I forgot a piece of the heart here (on the scale), hahahahah I said jokingly "please have a good night sleep tonight Sune" and he went out the door". Nice to meet a worlds best professonal surgeon with self distance :o). Sune has a very calming effect on me, I know if anything would happen James is in the very best of hands and everything has possibly been done for him!! Only that is a HUGE comfort to me!! Even if it wont be a comfort if anything bad happened, thankfully I have no idea how it would feel. I take for granted it will go well for James and I push away the fare of James life being at stake. Frankly it would be more on the stake if he did not go under surgery and that scares the living life out of me. It was not many years ago when James deffinately would not had made it. There are babies today that dont make it whom are diagnosed with HLHS. Unfortuanely not all babies can be saved. There are worse heartconditions than James as well of course, sadly.
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