Tuesday-3rd of November-PICU

I had my alarm set on 5.30 I wanted to be at PICU early if James woke up. Just before the alarm went off the phone rang, it was the staff. James had been worried during the night but not awake enough to call out after me so they did not call me. He had a lot if flam and pain and it made it difficult for him to breathe since they had give him more sedatives which knocked out his breathing. Even if I knew it was a “small, common” setback it made me stressed since I would have preferred to be with him when he was under stress and intubated. But I had not made that point to the staff and I think most parents do not want to be in the room under those procedures and he would not have known if I was there. I was quickly ready and made my way to PICU in the culverts. I thought about why they put him back in the respirator and it sounded it was for humane reasons not that he could not breathe at all by himself.

James was at rest in the respirator. I went out to Nigel a call so he knew about the slight step back. They would bring him out from the respirator in the evening again. Later that morning Chief Surgeon Sune came in to check on his patient. I could tell he was not impressed. He came in and asked the nurse why James was in a respirator she just answered it was decided during the night and previous shift. Sun shook his head and walked out.


I thought to myself (with my sense of humour ;O)” I wish I was a fly on the wall during that medicine round, hahahhaa ;O). If anything has helped me in my life, situations and stress, it is my blunt, silly, somewhat sick ( might be to others ;O) sense of humour, I have found that humour can be used in most difficult situations (of course there are grave no nos) but the situations we have found ourselves in, a quick line here and there can make the atmosphere easier and relaxes everyone, the staff that knows me (I hope) knows I appreciate a good laugh and a giggle and they do not have to carful what they say etc. That is how it is, what we survive we become stronger! And it can always be worse, there are always other that have it worse than I have it, that what I have been trying to think of often to not let my self-pity take over, even if we all ones and a while needs to and have the right to feel sorry for ourselves and have a good cry :O)!


Dr Thomas Higgins and Nurse Annika Maxedious (whom I now call “Laserwoman” ;O) came to make their research tests with ultrasound (scan), blood tests and Annika did her laser-test on James´s arm which measures the capillary flow ( yes do not ask me .O!).






I went down to have breakfast in the hotel. It was a calm day, James was asleep and had help with his breathing, so not much I could do really. I talked to the staff and read. Typically me, I read a true story novel. It was a horrible true story where a English couple had four children, three boys and a girl. The oldest, the girl survived, the baby boys died of sudden death, the girl also stopped breathing but she was saved. Not only that it only happened when the husband was away from home so the mother was accused of killing her babies of, but it was not true, she was isolated from her family, and thrown in jail:O(!!!!! A very good way to keep focus of my self-pity and to start thinking of those who has gone through worse! It was a “happy ending” though :O). Anyways, the embarrassing thing was the cover of the book, (thinking of sitting in PICU), it was a picture of her children’s tombstone on the cover. Everyone asked of course, “which book are you reading”?, and I had to show the cover. Hhehehehehe I could might as well put donkey on my forehead ;O).


Nigel came over for a little while, I told him to stay at home and work since it was not much he could do either. It was very nice when he came though, we went out to the kitchen because he brought some lunch for us, bless him :O)!


James blood-pressure went up and down during the way, they tried to get a balance with the medicines and fluid so it would stabilise. It was nothing uncommon though, we had known about this before.


James was extubated again during the afternoon and it all went well :O)! He needed to sleep though to stay as calm as possible.


James had a new little “girlfriend” in the room called Mirella. Her parents were lovely, we had small talks :O). I had a fairly early evening, since James was asleep anyways.